How and When To Give and Receive Feedback as a Tutor

Let's consider that you have just finished a great lesson. Your student seemed to have enjoyed it greatly. You feel proud, but there is always that small question: Did I actually meet his expectations today?

That’s where feedback steps in.

Feedback, both giving and receiving, is one of the most underrated parts of being a successful tutor. People believe that feedback is about correction, I believe it's about connection. Because it's the bridge between where your student is and where they want to be — and between where you are as a tutor and where you can grow.

In this article, I’ll share what I’ve learned about feedback throughout my 13 years of teaching — especially during my journey as an online tutor. We’ll explore how to give meaningful feedback that inspires, how to receive feedback gracefully (even the uncomfortable kind), and how to use a simple three-layer feedback approach that can transform your lessons. So, let’s get started.

My Early Mistakes with Feedback

When I started teaching, my version of feedback was… let’s say, efficient but emotionless.

During my classes, I used to correct my students quickly: “You said he go, it should be he goes.” See, I was focused on accuracy, not impact. Even more, I started noticing that my students didn't make or made little progress when reproducing the knowledge they've got.

What I didn’t realize at the time was that my students needed understanding, encouragement, and direction. They wanted to know why something was wrong, how they could fix it, and what they did well. Not an immediate corrective feedback. That feedback is a dialogue, not a monologue.

That’s when I started exploring the three layers of feedback — a structure that completely changed how I teach and how my students respond to learning.

The Three Layers of Feedback

Think of feedback as a three-layer cake. Each layer adds its own flavor, and without one, the whole cake feels incomplete.

The layers are:

1. Appreciation Feedback – Acknowledging effort and progress.
2. Coaching Feedback – Guiding the student toward improvement.
3. Evaluation Feedback – Assessing performance and setting standards.

Let’s look at each one in detail.

Appreciation Feedback 

Appreciation feedback is simple yet powerful. It tells your student:

"I see you, and I value your effort."

When I first began teaching, I often skipped this step. I thought praise was just "sugarcoating", something that diluted the seriousness of learning. But I was wrong.

People who feel appreciated are far more open to correction.

For example, when one of my students struggled with sentence structure, instead of correcting immediately and pointing out what's wrong I would start with a bit of praise.

I would say something like: "Well done, now you are trying to use full sentences. That's a big jump. Let's just adjust one small thing."

It instantly softened the feedback and made her listen.

Appreciative feedback builds motivation and trust. You can also express it through praising specific effort, noticing consistency, or acknowledging courage.

The most important it not to underestimate the power of small encouragements. Because on the way to a big goal, this is what keeps people going. 

Coaching Feedback

Once the student feels appreciated, they’re ready for coaching feedback. And here is when they start growing. 

In short, coaching feedback allows you to guide your student from what went wrong to how to fix it.

For example, "Your pronunciation of 'th' is improving, but let's focus on softening your tongue a bit more. Try saying 'think' slowly — like t-h-i-n-k. Perfect! Now, let’s try it in a sentence." And of course, demonstrate the correct way while giving the feedback. Make it actionable, kind, and detailed.

Here’s a formula that works for me:

Observation + Explanation + Action

For instance, I can tell my student, "I noticed you tend to use the present simple when describing past events. That’s very common. Let’s practice a few sentences using the past simple instead."

People love it when they get clear, structured guidance. It helps them track progress and builds their confidence.

Evaluation Feedback

And the last layer of the feedback is aimed at helping your student see where they stand. 

I usually share evaluation feedback every few weeks, especially after every fifth or sixth lesson. By that time, I’ve observed enough to assess their growth.

For this I normally keep short notes after each lesson (errors, improvements, attitudes). Every fifth lesson, I summarize it and share a short progress update with the student. I highlight their strengths first, then mention one or two areas for focus.

For example, I can tell something like: "Over the last few lessons, I’ve noticed you’ve become much more confident when speaking. Your fluency has improved a lot. Next, let’s work on using more linking words to make your speech flow even better.”

This approach shows that you track and care about their learning journey and helps them understand their development or otherwise where they stand. 

Asking for Feedback

Now, let’s switch sides. 

Many new tutors overlook the fact that students are also a great source of feedback, and focus on just giving feedback.

Don't get me wrong, I used to do the same at the beginning. But later on, I realised that the feedback of my students is as valuable for me as mine for them.

So, after every lesson, I ask a few question like:

"What have you learned from today's lesson?", "What would you change in the  lesson?", "How do you feel about the lesson?", "Did you like the topic of the lesson?", "Do you have any wishes for the next lesson?"

Not necessarily, I would ask all of them together, but one or two I always ask.

These small questions open up space for the student to express themselves — whether they loved the activity, felt challenged, or got confused.

Sometimes they’ll say,

"I liked the speaking practice,"and sometimes,"The grammar part was too fast."

Both are equally valuable.

By asking regularly, you build a culture of open communication. Your students feel safe sharing their thoughts, and you, in turn, get immediate insights to adjust.

The 5th Lesson Feedback Request

I regularly face this question from tutors: when to ask for feedback as a review?

Apart from daily check-ins, there’s one milestone that’s perfect for a more formal request — after the 5th lesson.

Why the fifth?

Because by then, the student already knows your teaching style, has had enough time to see progress, and you've already built a basic rapport.

At that point, I kindly ask my students:

"If you’ve enjoyed our lessons so far, I’d really appreciate it if you could share your feedback or leave a review. It helps me improve and also helps other students find the right tutor."

It’s important to ask naturally and gratefully, not like you’re chasing reviews. Most students are happy to help when they feel you’ve genuinely invested in their learning.

If you’re on platforms like Preply, italki, or Wyzant those reviews significantly influence your visibility. So don’t be shy — just ask politely and authentically.

Using Feedback for Self-Improvement

Feedback isn’t only for the student’s benefit — it’s your mirror as a tutor.

Normally, when asking for regular feedback, since it is informal, I take some notes. And every few weeks, I review all the feedback I’ve received (from students and my own observations) to look for patterns.

For example, if multiple students mention lessons are "too fast," I know I need to slow down. If they say, "I love your explanations," I make sure to expand that strength.

Over time, I’ve noticed how my teaching style develops not by reading manuals, but by listening to my students.

When Feedback Doesn’t Feel Fair

Let's not wear pink glasses and believe that you will always get only positive feedback and everyone will feel lucky to have had you as a tutor. The reality is that not all feedback will be constructive. Sometimes, a student might be frustrated or project unrelated emotions into their comments.

If you ever receive unfair feedback, take a breath. Don’t reply defensively.

Ask yourself, is there any truth in this feedback? Could this be about the student’s personal expectations, not my teaching?

If it’s clearly unfair, keep your professionalism. Thank them for sharing, clarify calmly, and move on.

Online teaching platforms can be unpredictable — sometimes a single bad review doesn’t reflect your work. What matters is consistency and the majority of your students’ satisfaction.

Feedback is not just about improving grammar or pronunciation. It’s about improving connection.

When you appreciate your student, coach them effectively, and evaluate them gently, you build a relationship that fosters real progress.

And when you open yourself to receiving feedback, daily after lessons and more formally after every fifth lesson, you show that learning never stops, not even for teachers.

After all, being a tutor means being a lifelong learner.

In my course on How to Become a Tutor for new and aspiring tutors, I’ll share even more insights like this — from creating a feedback-friendly classroom to mastering student communication and building long-term relationships online.